Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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