Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
