I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
