Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
