I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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