The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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