Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
