I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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