dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
