Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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