what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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