NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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