Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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