I showed him my bush... on skype.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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