I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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