just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
