I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
