I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
