i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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