best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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