Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
