You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
