I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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