He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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