U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I forget how to act sober
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
