just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
