Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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