Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
