apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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