is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
