I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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