Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
