I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
