I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
