I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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