I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize