...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize