He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
