He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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