Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
