We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
