just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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