I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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