I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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