I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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