my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
