This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
