we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
