Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
