forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
