News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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