butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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