This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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