I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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