Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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