God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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