if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
