I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
