im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
