be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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