did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize