Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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