HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
