I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
