Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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