forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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