Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
