yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
love makes seman taste better
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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