At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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