That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
