You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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